Flip Flops

Sandals

It's a given that most or all swimmers have a pair of sandals. There's something about sandals and swimming that shoes are just discriminated against for no reason. There must be a deeper truth besides the fact that shoes are harder to slip on and off your feet, are not water friendly, and just plain out looks    
goofy on a half naked swimmer.

In fact, most swimmers can agree that they love sandals. An undisclosed source (Hilary) told me the other day that she loves sandals! BUT WHY?

What I found even more interesting was that at the last swim meet, my dearest friend, Sara Emami the Persian Princess, was yelled at and was told not to waste her legs to talk to me (she wasn't even wearing sandals)!

There's a clear connection between sandals, swimming, and the fact that swimmers just want to show the world their feet. Perhaps, the act of showing your feet displays how well of a swimmer you are. The world will never know.

What the world will know is how my friend and I took sandals into consideration for our training. For now on, my friend and I decided to swim with sandals and then our shoes. Our logic, swimming with our shoes would create more drag under water, thus making us swim faster without them. Sounds ridiculous at first, but what was even more logical was the fact that we swam fully dressed. With all this drag, our swimming abilities would increase ten fold  and when in our matching speedos, Hilary would be no match.

I really don't know where this blog was going.

Sleep: A Swimmer's Night Time Job

Sleep

In order for athletes to function at their full potential, they must have the proper amount of resting time throughout the day and in their sleep. How much is exactly enough sleep? Well, I came up with this revolutionary calculator to determine exactly how much Hilary sleeps per night.




                                             
                                                   I calculated Hilary's...

-Walking speed to our 4th period
-How enthusiastic she was to go to 4th period
-The distance of her strides
-Her shoe size
-How she did her hair in the morning
(Straightened= She's having a great day) or (All Natural "Curly?"= Untamed and on the prowl)
-The contents of her Subway sandwich
(Honey oat bread, lettuce, green onions, tomatoes, american cheese, cucumbers, and ham)
-The angle of her crapping parking (probably due to sleep exhaustion)

Finally, all multiplied by swimmer^3

The results revealed that Hilary was easily sleeping up to eight hours a night, napping once on the weekends, and sleeping in on the holidays.

In order to top that, my friend and I decided to follow a strict sleeping schedule. Five nights a week, we slept for an exact nine hours and twenty three minutes. On the weekends, we slept for an exact nine hours and thirty seven minutes.
This went on for about two weeks and I'm glad to say that we can easily beat Hilary even in our dreams.

Tan Lines

Swimmer Tans

It's safe to say that most swimmers have terrible swim wear tans. There's something about the more you swim, the more likely you'll tan yourself ten shades darker. My friend pointed out how most swimmers share the same tan issues. Usually, the guys with the nasty speedo tan and the girls with the x-marks the spot across their back.

Cut me some slack, please. Looking for swimmer's tan photos on google wasn't the easiest having images like  this EVERYWHERE. 

Point is, look at those tans! 

As we looked more into it, my friend and I realized that most of the world's fastest swimmers have these same kind of tans! Who would you expect to have these tans, ironically, Hilary too!

But why would swimmers put up with these tans?

Isn't it obvious? Their secret is the SUN!

Ah-Ha! Photosynthesis 

My friend and I came to the conclusion that the sun was providing swimmers huge amounts of energy to reach top swimming speeds! In some kind of unimaginable way, swimmers must have adapted to the sun's powerful rays and harnessed the light for energy. It's almost as if they became swimming plants.

Of course, Hilary would never dare to tell us this secret. 

The Solution

For hours a day, my friend and I simulated a regular day's worth of swim practice by sun bathing in the pool. We swam back and forth and the sun's power was immediately felt. As we got darker and started to see our terrible tans left from our shorts we automatically knew we were one step ahead of Hilary.

A Swimmer's Diet

Subway and Swimming?

There's something about swimmers and Subway. I remember the last time I watched the Olympics my tv was spammed with subway advertisements sponsoring Michael Phelps.

It finally hit me! How could it not stick out to me before? Michael Phelps, one of the most decorated and fastest swimmers in the world, eats subway and ironically, so does Hilary!

My Game Plan

There is only one thing to do and that is to eat more Subway than Hilary can ever imagine. However, Hilary mentioned that Subway was simply a "mental state of being" and that it made no real difference in her swimming. But if Michael Phelps approves Subway, well then, I'm willing to try anything. For the past few days, I've dedicated myself to a strict Subway diet. By harnessing Subway's black magic, my inner "mer-man" will be unleashed and I'll be able to reach my full potential in the water.

It's hard to believe that Subway could help me beat Hilary in a swim race, but with credible evidence like this I just don't know how one could doubt me.

How this Started

To give some insight on my blog topic, I thought it would be best to explain and clarify to all my readers why I'm writing about swimmers and "How to Beat Hilary."

The other day, my dearest friend, Hilary, had this crazy idea that she could beat me and my friend in a swim race. She's only been training for swim just about her whole life, but she had the nerve to doubt our one summer's worth of practice?

Well, Hilary inspired me to write about all the idiotic extremes my friend and I were about to take to out swim Hilary, a mermaid. I hope you read this, Hilary. You won't know what hit you.

 

Oh, just a photo of us during our summer practice.